Snow White and the Seven Dwarves
by Bob the Admiral
Summary: What happens when the characters of Gundam Wing decide to put on the play Snow White and the Seven Dwarves? Only one way to find out.
1. Mirror, Mirror, on the Wall....

Snow White and the Seven Dwarves  
By Bob the Admiral  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the Narrator.  
Rating: G  
  
Part One  
  
Narrator: Once upon a time, there was a woman...  
Noin: Hi!  
Narrator: Who was married, but her husband died.  
Noin: *snort* The only reason he's dead is because you can't find anyone to play his role.  
Narrator: Shut up. Anyway, this woman wanted a daughter with lips red as...  
Noin: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Lips red as a rose, hair black as ebony, skin white as snow. Get on with it.  
Narrator: Hey, that's my line!  
Noin: Oh, get over it!  
Narrator: Anyway, she wanted this daughter, who presently came along....  
Noin: How can I have a daughter if my husband's dead?  
Narrator: It's magic. If you want to discuss this later, fine, but not now!  
Noin: *sulky* Fine.  
Narrator: So, here's her daughter.  
Chibi Relena: Hewwo!  
Narrator: And she was so beautiful and everything...  
Noin: Okay. We get the point.  
Narrator: *glare* Just for that, I'm going to hurry up to the part where you die!  
Noin: Fine, kill me. I don't care.  
Narrator: Plus, I'll kill Zechs.  
Noin: You do, you die, birdbrain.  
Narrator: I'm a birdbrain? I'm not the one who wears a mask that makes me look like a-  
Noin: Oh, shut up.  
Narrator: Anyway, this lady was a queen, and she died.   
Chibi Relena: Wait, dis stowy isn't makig any sense. I tot Mommy died fust, and den Daddy died aftoh he wemarried.  
Narrator: Fine. *points to Chibi Relena* What she said. So, here she was, with her wicked stepmother.  
Lady Une: Hi. I'm wicked. Can't you tell?  
Chibi Relena: *hides*  
Narrator: And the wicked stepmother made Chibi-I mean, Snow White, be a slave.  
Chibi Relena: Who's Snow White?  
Narrator: You are.  
Chibi Relena: Oh. Well, you didn't intwoduce me as Snow White yet.  
Narrator: Fine. Everybody, this is Snow White. Happy now?  
Chibi Relena: Yeah.  
Narrator: Fine. So Snow White grew up, and as she did, she got prettier every day.  
Chibi Relena: What?  
Narrator: You're now your normal age.  
Chibi Relena: Oh. *morphs to regular Relena* Mommy, wow! I'm a big kid now!  
Narrator: Kids. Anyway, so here she is, doing chores.  
Relena: Me?  
Narrator: Yeah. I'm the narrator, and I say, you do chores because you're irritating me.  
Relena: Aaaawwwww....  
Narrator: Now let's go to her Wicked Stepmother.  
Lady Une: Hi. I'm wicked.  
Narrator: The Wicked Stepmother looked into her magic mirror.  
Lady Une: I'm so pretty....  
Narrator: No, you're supposed to say "Mirror, mirror, on the wall...."  
Lady Une: Yeah, yeah. I know.  
"Mirror, Mirror, on the wall,  
Who's the... the..."  
Narrator: Say, "Who's the fairest one of all."  
Lady Une: But that's dumb. I mean, I'm fair. Referees are supposed to be fair.  
Narrator: Not that kind of fair.  
Lady Une: I know, but I'm gonna change it to....  
"Who's the cutest one of all?"  
Narrator: Fine... Whatever.... Oh, looks like time's up for now. Bedtime, come on.  
Duo: But I haven't gotten to do my part yet!  
Wufei: This is injustice!  
Trowa: When do we come in?  
Heero: *grunt*  
Quatre: I want to do my part, too!  
Narrator: Not now. It's bed time.  
Wufei: You're getting on my nerves.  
Zechs: I think we should destroy him!  
Wufei: Yes! *runs toward Narrator, who flees*  
Everyone else: *chases Narrator*  
  
Well, tune in next time to find out whether or not they catch the narrator and smack him around a little bit, or if they wait until the play's over....  



	2. The Citizens are Revolting!

Snow White and the Seven Dwarves - Part Two  
  
Narrator: *runs on stage, breathless* Okay, okay! Everybody, we're picking up where we left off. Got it? Okay! Now, stop chasing me, and go to your cottage in the woods!  
Everyone: *runs to cottage in woods*  
Narrator: Okay, so... where were we?  
Lady Une: I was talking to my Magic Mirror.  
Narrator: Oh, yeah. Okay, so... talk to your magic mirror.  
Lady Une: "Mirror, mirror on the wall,  
Who's the cutest one of all?"  
Narrator: Wait! Where's the mirror?  
Lady Une: You told her to go to the cottage, dipwad!  
Narrator: Grrrr... Fine. *calls offstage* Everybody except for the seven dwarves get back here!  
Relena, Hilde, Noin, Dorothy, Catherine, Sally: *come back* Darn.  
Narrator: Oh, man. What are all of you doing here? We only need... uh... Relena, Hilde, and... uh... Oh, let's try Dorothy. Everyone else, go home!  
Noin, Catherine, Sally: Hey! We're not going home, we want parts!  
Narrator: *groans* Fine, who wants to be the queen when she's in disguise?  
Lady Une: I do!  
Narrator: I meant of those three.  
Lady Une: Oh...  
Catherine: I'll do it.  
Narrator: Fine. What other parts are there? Noin, you already did something.  
Noin: I wanna do something else!  
Narrator: Fine! You and Sally can be trees!  
Sally, Noin: Yay! *stand like trees*  
Narrator: Wait a second, this isn't the forest, this is inside the castle. Now go away and wait until Dorothy takes Relena to the forest.  
Noin, Sally: Aaawwwww....  
Narrator: Now, Hilde, hold this picture frame up, look through it, and pretend you're a mirror.  
Hilde: Grrrr... Whad'ya want, queen lady?  
Narrator: Stop! The magic mirror isn't rude!  
Hilde: This one is.  
Narrator: No! You're not! Now, stop being stupid, and say, "What do you want of me, my Queen."  
Hilde: *sticks tongue out at narrator* Whad'ya want, Queen?  
Lady Une: I just said what I wanted.  
Hilde: Oh, yeah. Well, you're not the prettiest.  
Lady Une: Okay. That's fine. I already knew that, I don't know why Mr. Stupid wanted me to ask you.  
Hilde: Really, there's no true answer. It's only a matter of opinion.  
Narrator: Enough! Queen, you're supposed to get mad, and summon your woodsman to take her into the forest and kill her!  
Lady Une: Okay. Mr. Woodsman!  
Dorothy: I'm the woodsman?  
Narrator: Yes!  
Dorothy: But I'm a girl!  
Narrator: So? Woodsman sounds like woman. Now go!  
Dorothy: Fine. *walks onstage* Yeah? Whad'ya want?  
Lady Une: You're supposed to kill Relena. Just remember that this is only a play, so don't kill her for real.  
Dorothy: Aaawwwww... Oh, well. Don't worry. I'll keep Miss Relena quite safe.  
Relena: *offstage* You don't have to call me 'Miss!'  
Dorothy: Sorry.  
Narrator: You're not supposed to keep her safe, you're supposed to kill her.  
Dorothy: Stop! You're confusing me!  
Narrator: Good.  
Lady Une: Take Relena with you. Go out to the woods. Wait, no! Take her and go offstage, then come back on. Got it? Good. Then, pretend you're going to kill her, but don't. Tell her to run off into the forest because I want to kill her. Got it?  
Dorothy: *nods* I think so.  
Lady Une: Good. Now go on.  
Dorothy: Relena! Come here! I'm gonna pretend to kill you!  
Relena: Oh boy!  
Dorothy, Relena: *walk off*  
Narrator: Oh, great.  
Lady Une: What?  
Narrator: This play stinks! Nobody knows what to do, and if this is ever shown on TV, I'll never be able to show my face in public again!  
Lady Une: Well, excuse me, Mr. Perfect-Record! It's not like we have scripts or anything. You're the one who wanted to do a play.  
Zechs, Treize, Wufei, Trowa, Quatre, Duo, Heero: *show up* Yeah! And why do we have to be the little short people? We don't even do anything!  
Heero: *grunt*  
Duo: And why do I have to be Happy? Isn't he the fat one?  
Quatre: It's better than me being Bashful.  
Narrator: Oh, quit your griping. Let's get on with the play.  
Wufei: But this is injustice! How come you always get to be Narrator?  
Narrator: Because it's my job!  
Zechs: Oh, yeah? We'll see what your job is after we're through with you! Chaaaaarge!  
Zechs, Treize, Wufei, Trowa, Quatre, Duo, Heero: *attack Narrator*  
Narrator: AAHHHH! *disappears under pile of angry boys*  
Relena, Lady Une, Noin, Hilde, Catherine, Sally, Dorothy: *attack narrator* Chaaaaarge!  
Narrator: Ack! The end! The end! HELP!  
Duo: I get to be Narrator next time!!!  



End file.
